It’s hard to wrap my mind around money sometimes. At one point in my life, I thought I was pretty darn good with money. I think I managed to save a little over $15,000 by the time I was 19. Was able to put over half down on a two-year-old car, of which I would drive for 4 years, pay off the remaining balance and total the car 2.5 months later towards the end of 2011. Fast-forward almost 12 years now, I still have my 06 Jeep Liberty approaching 160,000 miles. Thankfully during the 3+years of COVID and working from home, the Jeep sat in our driveway, otherwise it would probably be well over 200,000 miles at this point.
I mention the car and Jeep story because it feels like that’s kind of where- whatever perceived wisdom I once had with money- went down the crapper, and it’s been an uphill climb ever since.
Although, at the end of 2021, my wife and I were able to set a goal – and hit it- of paying off her student loan which totaled a little over $14,000 I believe. We were able to celebrate Christmas and a few days later, with a couple days to spare in 2021, we paid it off! This, too, was a highlight. Maybe the first money highlight I had had since 2007.
Even still, fast forward a couple years later to the present moment and money woes have reentered our story.
Now, I don’t want to be blind to the fact that suffering, in all of it’s various forms, is extremely relative. It’s currently 33 degrees as we near the end of November and I’m positive there are many folks who will be sleeping in tents tonight. I’m confident there are people who have had loved ones pass away recently or maybe have received terrifying medical news concerning themselves. And, on the flip side, there are those with plenty of money to go around, who are not the least bit peaceful or joyful or loving with that wealth – perhaps flat-out miserable. All that said, money woes are apart of our story, perhaps not quite a ‘thorn in the side’ as the apostle Paul mentioned, but seemingly darn-near close.
It began with a leaky roof. Water dripping into our kitchen on days when the rain would pour down. If it was one of those light-mist kind of rains, no issue, but I’m talking about the downpours. So we’d sit out a bucket, collect the brown-tinted water, dump it out and carry on. Until we got tired enough of it and called out the professionals. Well, the first guy came out in July 2021. Walked up on the roof with a nail gun, stated he thought he had found where water was coming in, and only charged us $200. Later I found out, that guy was fired by the company, as he supposedly went around doing this to multiple customers. Anyhow, we reached out to a 2nd company, who were way more professional but perhaps not as detailed as they could’ve been because it took them not one, not two, not even three tries, but four tries to get it right and that involved the initial repair, replacing the flashing and shingles on the side where the leak was occurring, finally replacing the siding, and yet it still leaked. Until another guy came out,went up to the top of the roof and was able to pull up the corner of the roof 3-4 inches. Since then, magically, no more leaks! But it took 4 tries, and a substantial chunk of money, to get there. I’m not super worried about this issue though. We have a plan for tackling paying off the siding. Aiming for end of 2024 which would be awesome, but even if we go into early 2025, that’s not the worst thing either.
Then there’s the medical side of things. As we were approaching the Christmas gift-buying season, which for us started in October, my wife woke up Saturday morning about 5 weeks ago and stated she had uncontrollable abdominal pain and needed to go to the ER. Turns out she had developed and possibly passed a kidney stone. That has led to a nice bill for $800. Followed by her contracting COVID which in honesty we’ve probably all had in our home for the last 2+ weeks. And on top of that, I’m due for my next colonsocopy, which instead of every 5 years is now due every 2 years as I’m entering year 15 of having Ulcerative Colitis and my chance of the C-word apparently goes up by 10-15%. Looking back at my 2021 scope, that will cost another $800-$900. Yes, that’s with insurance.
Yet, in all these things, things both in the budget and not in the budget that life throws our way, I’m reminded that the Lord is a provider. Even if our savings dwindle, my worth and value doesn’t come from a number in our bank account. (There would never be a ‘perfect’ number or amount, anyhow). On the flip-side, if our savings drastically increase, my worth and value isn’t to be found there either.
My worth should come from the Lord who provides through each season and each moment of life. We had a couple from our church recently who randomly blessed us with $500 and I know personally that I will never forget their act of kindness. It makes me want to bless them in the future but to bless others in general and have that heart of compassion in general. Praise the Lord for this provision!
I write this to remind myself that, primarily, my worth is not found in money whether we have a little or we have much. But also I write this to remind myself to praise the Lord who is worthy as each of things are either paid off or paid upfront in full. Praise the Lord for health insurance, praise the Lord for siding on our home, praise the Lord for two full-time jobs, praise the Lord for no roof leaks. But, and here’s the main point, even if we had none of those things to praise the Lord for, if our roof still leaks, car breaks down, water heater goes out, HVAC fails, our health declines (because in truth all of these things are going to happen) – we would still praise the Lord just for who He is and for what He has done through Jesus and through the Holy Spirit.
My worth is not in what I own,
Not in the strength of flesh and bone.
But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross.
– The Gettys
The War Within 